why we fear joy?
Joy has always scared me, even when I wanted it most.
We often hear about childhood traumas and the ways they shape us as adults. And I think that’s true. The way we react to life, the way we thrive, the way we treat others — it all comes from our past. Our experiences, our wounds, our little victories and deep hurts, they shape the way we move through the world.
When we’ve experienced more downfalls than success, when life has dealt us more pain than joy, our minds develop patterns. We start expecting pain even when things feel good.
Joy becomes almost unsafe.
Personally, I feel it too: when I’m happy, a small voice in my head whispers, “This won’t last.” It’s a reflex, a habit built from childhood.
But here’s the truth I’m slowly learning: we don’t have to live as though our past defines every moment of our present. Those expectations, that fear of what’s coming next, come from a version of ourselves that was trying to survive. That version is no longer who we are.
Yes, joy can be risky. It makes us vulnerable. But fear shouldn’t keep us from feeling it. Pain will always find us at some point. That’s life. But joy? Joy is something we can choose. We can allow ourselves to feel it, to breathe it in, to savor it even if it doesn’t last forever.
Maybe that’s what courage is: learning to embrace happiness, fully and freely, even when the shadow of past pain is still there.
Because joy isn’t just a fleeting moment. It’s a quiet act of rebellion against the parts of life that try to hold us back. And sometimes, choosing it is the bravest thing we can do.
If you find yourself afraid of happiness, know that you’re not alone. Fear is a memory, not a rule. And even in the face of it, joy is still waiting — if we let ourselves reach for it.
Thank you for reading my thoughts today. Writing this helped me process my feelings, and I hope it brings you some comfort or reflection as well.
- Love, kat.
i love this!